4 Ways to Always be Your Sister’s Keeper
1- LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY- Why are we friends or lovers with someone else in the first place? Is it only about how they make us feel, what they can do for us or our subconscious ideals about what certain relationships should look like? The truth is it cannot only be about us. So many people are quick to turn their backs on their friends and loved ones the minute the person does something unsavory. Loving unconditionally is accepting folks even at their worst. It is about seeing the humanity, good and God or spiritual essence in everyone. This doesn’t imply to stay in toxic friendships but always look for the higher perspective and also take the reflection inward. Looking for the higher perspective could be assessing what the friendship could be trying to show or teach you. Taking the reflection inward is to recognize that ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE A REFLECTION OF US!! Our entire lives are a reflection of our inner state. In other words our relationships could not exist in our reality if there wasn’t something within us that either attracted them, and/or is mirroring some inner aspect of ourselves. These two reasons are proof that relationships are rarely about the other person but an opportunity for us to expand, learn and grow overall. This approach can help us take so much pressure off of our friends and love them for who they are keeping in perspective we are the star players of our lives. With that being said wouldn’t you want unconditional love given to you regardless of your shortcomings? Let’s be generous and love our friends without condition.
2- LEARN EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION- Everyone speaks a different love language, their emotional needs are different and everyone may not define what it means to be a friend the same way. Due to this be sure you are mindful of the possible effects of your words and also clear about the intentions behind what you say.
Do not assume what your sister-friend needs based on your specific paradigm. Also be sure to express to her what you may need or desire. If you need to express something difficult or some kind of issue you have with your girlfriend start off saying something nice, loving or complimentary. Take note of the Oreo Sandwich Cookie technique; say your positive remark, your cream filling would be your issue or challenging statement and lastly you will follow up with something else positive to say. Effective communication can totally discourage mole hills from becoming mountains. Remember it isn’t what is said but how it is said.
3-BE CONSCIOUS OF YOUR OWN NEEDS- When we are not conscious of our own needs we often times put unrealistic demands and expectations on those we are in relationships with. We expect them to somehow magically know what it is we’re thinking, feeling and needing. That can prove quite difficult when many struggle to determine their own needs. We often delegate the responsibility of getting our deepest emotional and spiritual needs met from outside folk when our needs are in fact our own obligation to meet first.
Whether a friend, lover or parent/child relationship we can better navigate through all relationships when we are in a state of self-awareness. Get clear about your needs, wants and expectations from all of your relationships. You are the captain of your soul so YOUR overall wellbeing is YOUR responsibility first. It is nice to have friends, family and lovers to soothe us and have our back, but it is not their main priority to ensure our needs are being met. Remember like tip #2, everyone speaks a different love language so effective communication would be in order to ensure everyone’s needs are being met.
4-NEVER JUDGE YOUR SISTER- Always keep in mind that everyone is on a different life path and journey so always try to keep an open mind. Even if you do not agree be mindful to never come across as self-righteous or like a know-it-all to your sister friends. Oftentimes being outside of the situation gives us different perspectives but that does not necessarily mean that perspective is right for your friend. We all come from different paradigms and are on different paths so it is expected that we all will see things differently. However every opinion does not have to be shared. Get into the practice of being a good listener and looking for cues that indicate a person truly wants and can accept your input. Regardless always respect your girlfriend’s personal life journey.
Bonus tip!
Always be loving and kind to every woman you come across! Women of every race, color, creed and region of the world have been ostracized, objectified, used and abused by our counterparts since the beginning of time. In ancient times (and even in some current day societies) we were barely considered human and were regarded solely for servitude, sexual gratification and bearing children. Thankfully we have progressed from those extreme conditions. We are still fighting for justices like equal pay, representation in politics and unfair shaming due to expression of sexuality. With all we have overcome and all that we face does it really make sense for you to hate on another woman; whether white, black, Asian, Latino or other? Can you not relate to what it feels like to be judged, shamed or told you can’t do something just because you are a girl even from other women?? Can you not relate to society dictating how you should be or live just because you are a woman??
You actually bring more love and goodwill to yourself when you give of it freely to your sisters and to everyone for that matter. Even in challenging situations where another woman may not be so “woke” or graceful, your grace towards her may be just the example she needs to shift her attitude and perspective. Show another woman some love!
Happy Women’s Month!