The Upside of Self-Absorption

The Upside of Self- Absorption

                I know it sounds counterintuitive for one to think that being self-absorbed can have any upside, but there truly is a positive side to one allowing herself at times to become preoccupied with self.  Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines “Self-Absorbed” as -absorbed in one's own thoughts, activities, or interests. It’s unfortunate that someone somewhere down the line made it seem like there was something so wrong with being positively absorbed in one’s own affairs. How could you improve, expand upon, grow or learn about what you give limited attention to? How could you perfect your gifts, skills and talents or level up from your weaknesses if you’re primarily focused on everything else more than yourself?  It only makes sense that we would have to put continuous effort and contemplation upon ourselves to not only improve ourselves, but to also be our best for the people in our lives.

 I could see if this absorption was at the exclusion of everyone else and our responsibilities. I am not referring to the person whose narcissism influences them to be unthoughtful, hurtful or obnoxious. However most of us unfortunately are way on the other end of the spectrum where we are absorbed in everyone and everything else at the exclusion of ourselves. This is especially often seen with us women. The constant focus on others coupled with the busy-ness of life creates a powerful distraction that keeps us from directing our energy where it would be of greatest benefit…ourselves and our own affairs. 

It adds no value to our experience when attempting to control and/or be overly involved in other’s affairs. This involvement can include anything from an opinion to being dead smack in the middle of the drama. The behaviors, thoughts, words, actions and circumstances of others, even those closest to us are totally out of our control. Putting too much focus on people and circumstances outside of our self proves to be draining and worst of all futile. Our misdirected focus will always be to the detriment of our own wellbeing. We save much time and energy when we mind our business as there is no amount of effort or manipulative device that can control anything outside of ourselves anyway.

Our greatest point of power is to become more mindful, conscious and focused on the ONLY things in our lives we have control over; our thoughts, our words, feelings and behaviors.  We also can empower ourselves by being aware of what we are constantly paying attention to. Is our fixation all for naught because they are on things & people outside of our control and jurisdiction or are we building ourselves up so that we are better wives, girlfriends, mothers, employees and so on. For the rest of this week goddess, let’s really get positively self-absorbed. Let’s purpose ourselves to focus on what will enhance our lives, nothing more and nothing less.